Quarter Life Crisis ?

So it quite amazing how my pre planning schemes and ideologies have lead to the early commencement of my quarter life crisis- at an age which is not even a silver jubilee yet.

I see my batchmates, very few working, most struggling to clear college, and I see myself, already on the way to a stressful career choice, causing me to frown at least 20 out of 24 hours, forcing me to give into quick stress releasing methods, causing me to get cranky and snap at any given random person. It's frustrating when you know and realise that you are losing control, but you cant do anything to prevent that from happening. I keep reiterating to myself- it's only a state of mind, and this too shall pass- but sometimes self help does not prove to be successful.

I hate questions like- how are you? or what are you upto? 

The answer always leads me to think about all the hasty decisions I have taken, and that have all lead to disappointment. I am not okay- i need a change, I want to take a long break, from life, or the way it has now become. I wish to be among people who are as free spirited and limitless like me. I want to be with modern day hippies- who love with an open heart, and are too high to hurt or get hurt. I wish to fall in love with all words ever said by my role model in life, so as to design a well strategised pattern for living life the 'ideal' way, live my life by carefully chosen thoughts and words.

Maybe I need to look up to someone who has achieved more, and conquered and overcome more than me, you know..look for a better example than most of my vague minded peers. Even if I am looking at others for some hint or clue as to how I can deal with my quarter life crisis better, I guess I need to acknowledge, accept and apply the thought that my journey is indeed different, highly unique and is meant to be lived with and dealt by me. Maybe I need to learn to be okay with these emotions- telling myself that it is okay, and I am not the first person on this planet to get confused and lost at this juncture. I feel my thoughts are free flowing like smoke, but get polluted by the thick, bold lines never meant to be touched or approached, hence turning into grey smog.

Where is my pure? Where is my white? Where is the innocence of the inner child ? I feel I have an obligation to answer, whenever faced by a question. The source of the question is not really important, the pertinence lies in the undiscovered answer, and my goal is to prioritise and conquer the relevant issues in life. As of now, I have a lot of pending queries, a lot of questions marks, looking for a full stop somewhere down the line. Unanswered questions are like reproductive bunnies, they multiply rapidly, in an incontrollable manner. Before you realise it, you are stuck with an infinite amount of needs, requiring to be fulfilled .

At this point, the solution is an intervention. One needs to completely STOP before the mammoth becomes unbeatable , indestructible and out of hand. I guess I am at the point where I need a BREAK, a complete overhaul and re- evaluation of what the cause to this damage has been, and how to find a way which permanently fixes this for the time to come. I have acknowledged and accepted, now I simply need to apply and I'll be happily on my way to conquering summits galore.