From Your Daughter

Mom you held my hand, and showed me so much,
taking tiny steps, no worry or difficulty as such,
we gazed at the stars, twinkling and shining bright,
and heard the tweeting birds in the morning light.

Be kind, be gentle, be considerate and true,
I was a gem, your champ, your red, green and blue.
I followed you, and you smiled at me as you went ahead,
I gradually learnt to walk, and sleep alone on my bed.

Today I stand, as nothing but your daughter so proud,
as they turn against me, stealing the most little shroud,
of my very foundation, shaking brick by brick,
it's not a tasty treat, they play a treacherous trick.

You daughter is amazed, she is still a little girl,
this whole reality, is getting insane as it unfurls.
I try to fight with kindness, I try to be a lady like you said,
they do not look, they do not hear, voices are stuck in my head.

Mom you said, be nice, you told me to love and care,
and I did follow, I was considerate & loving, and I shared.
They are not what I am, they probably never will be,
they have never heard your words, never as lucky as me.

It is surprising, the life and times of today,
with meaningless words and cold emotions to convey,
I see not in the eyes of men, what I saw as a child,
I seek honesty and simplicity, in these forest fires so wild.

Consumed by rage, ego and insecurities of their dark insides,
they play a murderous game, with everything non conforming to chide,
your daughter watches lost, as she fails to understand,
if there is anybody today, who will hold her hand?

Brushed against by many, hit and struck by all,
she is striving to get back up, trying hard to stand tall,
your voice is guiding her, your prayers making her strong,
she keeps moving forward, with grey between right and wrong.

Mother of mine, I shall always be your little girl,
this society may turn me around, take me for a whirl,
I promise to be yours, to stand by ideals, the way you made me be,
maybe one day they will be cured of blindness, maybe one day they will see.

Your daughter is young, she is a learner of life,
she is only trying her best, survival is a strife,
days and nights may test her patience, her esteem and her soul,
but remember you didn't bring up a quitter, and I will never forget my goal.

Quarter Life Crisis ?

So it quite amazing how my pre planning schemes and ideologies have lead to the early commencement of my quarter life crisis- at an age which is not even a silver jubilee yet.

I see my batchmates, very few working, most struggling to clear college, and I see myself, already on the way to a stressful career choice, causing me to frown at least 20 out of 24 hours, forcing me to give into quick stress releasing methods, causing me to get cranky and snap at any given random person. It's frustrating when you know and realise that you are losing control, but you cant do anything to prevent that from happening. I keep reiterating to myself- it's only a state of mind, and this too shall pass- but sometimes self help does not prove to be successful.

I hate questions like- how are you? or what are you upto? 

The answer always leads me to think about all the hasty decisions I have taken, and that have all lead to disappointment. I am not okay- i need a change, I want to take a long break, from life, or the way it has now become. I wish to be among people who are as free spirited and limitless like me. I want to be with modern day hippies- who love with an open heart, and are too high to hurt or get hurt. I wish to fall in love with all words ever said by my role model in life, so as to design a well strategised pattern for living life the 'ideal' way, live my life by carefully chosen thoughts and words.

Maybe I need to look up to someone who has achieved more, and conquered and overcome more than me, you know..look for a better example than most of my vague minded peers. Even if I am looking at others for some hint or clue as to how I can deal with my quarter life crisis better, I guess I need to acknowledge, accept and apply the thought that my journey is indeed different, highly unique and is meant to be lived with and dealt by me. Maybe I need to learn to be okay with these emotions- telling myself that it is okay, and I am not the first person on this planet to get confused and lost at this juncture. I feel my thoughts are free flowing like smoke, but get polluted by the thick, bold lines never meant to be touched or approached, hence turning into grey smog.

Where is my pure? Where is my white? Where is the innocence of the inner child ? I feel I have an obligation to answer, whenever faced by a question. The source of the question is not really important, the pertinence lies in the undiscovered answer, and my goal is to prioritise and conquer the relevant issues in life. As of now, I have a lot of pending queries, a lot of questions marks, looking for a full stop somewhere down the line. Unanswered questions are like reproductive bunnies, they multiply rapidly, in an incontrollable manner. Before you realise it, you are stuck with an infinite amount of needs, requiring to be fulfilled .

At this point, the solution is an intervention. One needs to completely STOP before the mammoth becomes unbeatable , indestructible and out of hand. I guess I am at the point where I need a BREAK, a complete overhaul and re- evaluation of what the cause to this damage has been, and how to find a way which permanently fixes this for the time to come. I have acknowledged and accepted, now I simply need to apply and I'll be happily on my way to conquering summits galore.

Surprising Surprises

Of things and places and people and circumstances.. of events happening opposed to expectations, plans or preludes.

Sometimes certain things in life take place or happen to you, without a specific reason or logic behind them . There is no motive, no opinion about it, no expectation of it. I guess what I mean to say is , a 'surprise' just catches you off guard. For a person who swears by 'planning', it is a little hard to appreciate the beauty of springing surprises, we'd rather know or gauge in advance what is to happen next, it gives us that fake satisfaction of avoiding all risks in life and placing a safe bet at all times.

So now, you must make place, make time, make up your mind because of the unexpected surprise. Where does it fit on your emotional calendar ? Do you have the time to deal with associated reactions? Are you okay with it suddenly cropping up and taking away your energy , unplanned and unanticipated ? Sudden questions, unanswered can just mean one thing - anxiety, unnecessary overthinking and finally, reaching a conclusion which is mostly assumptious and silly.

So how must one take it ? Take the impact, the emotions, the reactions of this entire surprise which has sprung upon you ? Choose to look over it, and believe that the original plan is still on? Face it, make adaptations and come up with a new plan ? One single surprise can kill all plans.  If it's a pleasant one, it's worth drafting a new one , if it's an unfortunate one, then everything just goes for a toss.

Bottomline - I wish what happened a day ago turns out to be a game changer worth coming up with novelty.