Earned Ease

Honest conversations are simple, hence the most beautiful as well. Last night, during a rendezvous with a friend, I shared some very smooth and fine moments. We drank, chatted and shared heart to heart some funny, sincere and genuine trivia.
  It is difficult to say sometimes, just express what is on one's mind and hidden inside the depths of the subconscious heart- the fear of reaching down to your demons and kindling their disturbing spirits if often left unconquered by most. However, beyond fear lies victory, and a calming sensation of a burden feeling lighter, merely achieved by a simple expression of words. We feel our inhibitions too gigantic to be overcome, but it is still highly needed and required for a stable existence. Our love lives, our careers, which are both extremely dramatic, sudden and surprising at most times just seem to be going out of control. We need 'our men' to manage, strategise and deal with todays troubles, after all, we as a generation are at war, with our thoughts. Sweetness and simplicity together combine and bring beauty to very normal, routinely movements of our days.
  I made out with XYZ, I always had a crush on you, I am sorry I should not have, I don't know how I feel about this, I am scared I will be left behind, I am not sure if I am on the right track, I feel depressed and I need help- simple, but yet so hard to express. How are friends fitting enough, I mean how do they qualify to be our close ones, if we feel afraid to say our thoughts out loud in front of them?  I am not trying to define 'ideal friends' here, I am just questioning the segregation which must probably exist between people around who think they know and people around who actually know, coming from the horse's mouth. I felt the qualification last night, I felt blessed to be entitled to thoughts turning into words, comfort and ease accompanying our words.
  I am thankful, after four long, vague, memorable and crazy years, comfort is indeed one of my most treasured feelings. Its a certain assurance, underlining the comfort, that somewhere, sometime, I did something right, and I deserve this natural beautiful ease, a magical feeling shared by two human beings, two FRIENDS.

Mission Pupa- complete

So I got done with my graduation recently, after four long; dramatic; entertaining and definitely memorable years. It's a good feeling, caterpillar to pupa, more to become a butterfly though. I have a job now, something which I worked and stressed my brain+butt off to achieve. Half a year before my graduation, my brain felt the need to press the panic button, putting in motion the utter need to secure my future with a respectable job, more so something which seemed 'ideal' in the eyes of my Mom. So with the highly ridiculous and fraudulent college placements not being an option, I could just sit down and wait for a miracle to happen or get up, take charge and get a job by hook or by crook. My life is certainly not a dreamy fairy tale, an adventurous and interesting story to tell for sure, but the one with bumps and obstacles and life sized trolls to hinder me of course. So if I had to be independent and continue this life of freedom and no boundaries outside home, to reach the enchanted mountain of success+satisfaction+serenity, I HAD TO GET A JOB, PERIOD !!!!
  It was quite difficult, as I did not find any peers for accompanying me on this journey of a treasure hunt- the treasure clearly being a trifecta of 'a handsome package'+'an incomparable brand name' + 'a location safe and doable' , according to a lot of professionals who were advising me in my struggle. My peers did not care, they did not know, and they continued their last 6 months of college with ignorance which definitely brought bliss. I however, seemed to have started my struggled work life much in advance, since I felt I had no choice.
     So then here, is where I arrived, working for a big name, with big shots, a stingily composed package but with a lot of creative satisfaction. I felt I had what mattered a lot, and it may not have been a perfect trifecta, but it was what I had hoped for- creative happiness. One of my ex co employees asked me one day- would you rather sit in a cubicle, do a morose job , get paid more but complain and crib the entire day, or would you do something engaging, which you love and manage to make ends meet only for the initial part?  To me the answer was clear, I wanted a job which I could love, and feel like it was not like work at all. The cubicle was definitely not my calling, even if I were offered a billion per month ( okay maybe I'd consider that particular offer ).
Now it's been a few months since I passed out of college, and approximately 10 days on the job. I feel useful, productive and I feel I was right to start much ahead of time, and land this job. It's an excellent opportunity, a creatively gratifying one and the money is okay- which shall become oh-wow- hopefully soon. The knowledge that whatever I have been upto, is taking me in a forward direction, all aspects+ efforts combined- is a good feeling, a calm one. Impetuous is something I feel I am, always hurrying always stressing, be it food;dates;chilling or anything. But each time I feel I have done something i worthwhile, I reward myself, with a nice ; long; deep and serene breath of fresh air.

The moustached arrow of Cupid

Just when I thought I was safe and sound and almost all my senses started responding normally, I realised that Cupid awaits with one of its poisonous arrows. Its a moustached one (oh-o-surprising) this time. I was trying hard to get over my previous wound, which had struck me deep and inflicted me a lot. Honestly, this blah state of mind without wounds and pain was a little boring, and a little too morbid for someone who is used to and kind of gets entertained by all the drama around.
  So yeah, one week at work and BOOM! a moustached arrow it is! For all people wondering, I am not into the upper lip tress, I have never had a thing for any, and I never expected myself to actually contemplate the thought of being around it. Well, life is surprising, isn't it :D
  So here I am, distracted once again, my heart almost skipping all beats and my intestines feeling nauseaous with arush of blood to my head, ringing the bell which is tolling and proclaiming... RING-A-DING- you've been struck !!!